I didn’t realize until yesterday how much faith it takes me to paint, to follow Christ, and especially how much it takes to paint about Christ. When I felt overwhelmed by anxieties, it was so easy to give up and stop painting because I feel like I haven’t made progress yet this season. But I worked through my insecurities after realizing that it is the difficult days that will make me a painter or not – the days of testing, when I have to keep going even though I don’t feel like it.
Like in any work where you have to push through things holding you back, painting can start to feel robotic, like you’re just going through the motions to produce-produce-produce. It is not this daily drudgery that gets to me but rather the big question of “Why on earth am I doing this???”
In my previous office jobs the answer came easily: that I’m getting paid, that a project needs to be finished, that a client’s needs must be met. But for my painting now, the answer isn’t so immediate but only comes with a fight.
I’m grateful for today’s entry of My Utmost for His Highest about faith. In fact, I don’t think I had a name for what happened in my mind yesterday until reading it!
“For every detail of the common-sense life, there is a revelation fact of God whereby we can prove in practical experience what we believe God to be. Faith is a tremendously active principle which always puts Jesus Christ first – Lord, thou hast said so and so (e.g., Matthew 6:33), it looks mad, but I am going to venture on Thy word. To turn head faith into a personal possession is a fight always, not sometimes.”
–Oswald Chambers
There is opportunity in every little thing we do to show what we really believe about God, and it will always require some effort to work out our faith. Though this way does not seem easy, it is encouraging to have these words to describe our experiences. We’re not crazy because we’re bombarded by insecurities! They’re natural and expected. But there is a higher power that can work through our insecurities when we believe that is what the Spirit will do:
–Hebrews 11:6 “And without faith it is impossible to please him for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.”
–Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Do we believe that our work doesn’t matter – so we’re stopped by our insecurities when they arise? Or do we believe that God gives a good purpose to even the smallest things in our daily lives – that he works all things together for good?
I’m encouraged to recognize that God has a good purpose for my painting regardless of how I feel. I’m even more encouraged to know there is much more reason to rejoice in God’s goodness than to worry in my own anxieties.